Already a fire hose of bad things (pt 1)

I’m going to have to break this one up into several parts because I do not have the time to cover it all in one day. I don’t know about the other services, but in the Navy, we had to learn basic firefighting skills (see the Forrestal disaster), so I’ve held a fire hose. While it’s now been well over 30 years since boot camp, I remember the feeling of trying to not lose control of it any second.

You know, I seem to remember when Obama and Clinton were in office, Republicans complained about them “ruling by fiat” by signing “too many” Executive Orders, Presidential Memos and Presidential Proclamations. I don’t think any president in my lifetime has signed 26 EOs plus a ton of memos and proclamations. This article does a good breakdown. Biden only did 9 his first day, and 22 total his first week. That had been a record until this week.

I went to WhiteHouse.gov to look up something, and EWWWWWW. There’s a very nationalistic video that plays the first time you go to the main page, ew, ew, ew. [There is a difference between patriotism and nationalism and deifying a “Leader” that this video does. I’m a little frustrated, because the EO’s don’t list their EO number like a NORMAL president, just his bombastic titles. And it’s sometimes difficult to tell if it’s an EO, PM or PP. Anyway, here’s some things he’s already tried to do:

  1. “Ending illegal discrimination and restoring merit-based opportunity” – As with a lot of Repubilcans’ laws/statements, this is exactly the opposite of what it says (see: “Right to Work”). The order is saying DEI/DEIA policies “violate the text and spirit” of civil rights, calling it “illegal preferences and discrimination.” He is revoking Executive Orders and Presidential Memos back as far as 1965’s Equal Employment Opportunity order. This is a nightmare. It is framed over and over again as protecting civil rights, when it very clearly does the opposite. Essentially, if you aren’t a cis-hetero white guy, you don’t deserve a job with the government or any government contractor. Read the full text, it’s setting us back 60 years. With this, he’s also ordering all DEI staff to be placed on paid leave, starting TODAY, Jan 22, 2025. At least they’re getting paid, at least for a little while. What’s even more wild, is all the media I can find on this is either neutral or IN SUPPORT of this. Insane. What happened to that famed “liberal media”?
  2. Keeping Americans Safe in Aviation. This is more of the same – DEI is hurting the FAA, so they need to stop trying to recruit marginalized people.
  3. Guaranteeing the States Protection Against Invasion. He bloviates about how there were too many “illegals” (read: undocumented) people entering the country under Biden. This is . . . . not true. Politifact rated Vice President Kamalea Harris’ statement in October 2024 of “As of today we have cut the flow if immigration by over half” as TRUE. Politifact says that between December 2023 and the end of September 2024 it was down over 70%. And, of course, DJT killed the bipartisan border bill last summer.
  4. Restoring Names That Honor American Greatness – renaming things back to Confederate “heros” and removing Native American names, especially from Denali in Alaska. This one has been fairly well reported.
  5. Designating Cartels And Other Organizations As Foreign Terrorist Organizations And Specially Designated Global Terrorists (doesn’t he have ANYONE on his staff that can write better titles?) This is the one where he wants to invoke the Alien Enemies Act – which, we all know what happened the LAST time that was invoked, right?
  6. REFORMING THE FEDERAL HIRING PROCESS AND RESTORING MERIT TO GOVERNMENT SERVICE (I did a copy/paste and, yes, it’s in all caps). They sure do have a different definition of “merit” than I do. This is more of the same from #1. Diversity bad. Within 120 days, OMB (interestingly, the real page for this reroutes to whitehouse.gov, it’s like the OMB doesn’t actually exist), OPM, DOGE, and “assistant to the president for domestic policy” will develop an entirely new Federal Hiring Plan that prioritizes efficiency, “passionate about the ideals of our American republic” and “prevent the hiring of individuals based on race, sex, or religion”. Again, read the full text, if you can take the time. He also wants to decrease the time to hire to 80 days. That part would be nice, but in order to do it, well, they’d need to hire a lot more HR people, especially since also wants to make sure the Secretary and Director levels are involved in every step of the hiring process.
  7. Ending Radical and Wasteful Government DEI Programs and Preferencing – how many times is he saying the same goddamn thing? But the scary thing? A lot of people don’t realize that veterans’ preference in federal hiring can come under this and the federal government is the largest employer of veterans and disabled veterans. Honorably discharged vets get a 5-point preference in hiring. Veterans with 30% or more disability rating get a 10-point preference. If you’re removing DEI preferences, that effects a whole lot of people, many of whom voted for this.

I’m going to stop there because I am so worked up, if I’m going to sleep at all tonight. . . . I can’t talk too freely about some things that will affect me directly, but this is really scary on multiple levels. I know a lot of this is being reported heavily, but I think a few are going under the radar. I want to read them all myself, and writing helps me process.

I want to remind people that during the Holocaust, Jewish people were not the only victims. Disabled (mental or physical) people, Romani, political enemies, LGBTQIA people (and research!), communists, Catholics, Jehovah’s Witnesses (that one was new to me), people of color, political dissidents, anyone they could call “undesirable”, which eventually became . . . . . . a lot of people.

I am not being alarmist. Other people ranging from far left to centrists are not being alarmist and hyperbolic. I feel like I haven’t been loud ENOUGH.

I was one of those people that had an interest in WW2, from a perspective of “How did everyday Germans let this happen?”, looking to make sure we could avoid it. I read Albert Speer’s Inside the Third Reich on my own in high school. I read about The Third Wave experiment by Ron Jones (there’s a good movie, a novelization, and a German mini-series about it). I’m rereading They Thought They Were Free by Milton Mayer now. I had lessons in recognizing propaganda in history, English, and government classes. I guess I understand now that not everyone had that. But there was soooo much media about how bad the Nazis were when I was growing up. It was something to be avoided at all costs.

I know that there was a fascist faction in the US back in the 30s/40s. I know about the Madison Square Garden rally, I remember in the 80s and 90s the paramilitary groups, far right groups coopting skinhead and punk culture, infiltrating the military and police. Even then they were mostly targeting lonely young men, much like they are doing now. But I really thought we, as a society, were done with that. More fool me, I guess. They kept infiltrating, more quietly. And now here we are.

I started this in the morning before work. It’s starting to get late now and I’m losing steam. I’m hoping to publish mostly on Wednesday and Sunday, but this first week or two of the administration, it will be more.

What does this have to do with witchy and spiritual shit? Hang out a while and I’ll get to that. Hint: Witchcraft is, in and of itself, an act of rebellion.

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Ushering in the new authoritarian regime

In 2017, I watched DJT’s speech after the inauguration. You could tell that he actually had a real speechwriter for that one, as he made some real points and stayed on script throughout. But there were still the authoritarian allusions.

“At the bedrock of our politics will be a total allegiance to the United States of America . . . . “

Total. Allegiance.

Sent shivers down my spine. 

“A new national pride will stir our souls, lift our sights, and heal our divisions.”

National pride. No dog whistles there, right?

I will not watch it this time. I can’t. Have you seen AOC’s insta about not going to the inauguration?

Last night, DJT was talking about Elon Musk “knowing computers better than anybody” and heavily implying his win in Pennsylvania was due to Musk’s interference. 

First, I highly doubt Musk is actually know computers “better than anybody” given he was judging Twitter employees by lines of code written.

But implying that he interfered with the voting machines…….look, I know we are in Fourth Reich territory,  but that seems pretty blatant.

I am currently reading They Thought They Were Free. It is pretty chilling how things seemed pretty normal to the 10 men Mayer interviewed.

I posted this quote on FB.

“….bringing bigness down, lifted littleness up….” that seems to describe DJT and his campaigns all over. Making people feel bigger than they are. Making people feel important while at the same time treating them as ignorant.

I understand that there are a lot of people who feel like the world is passing them by, the world their parents taught them to expect no longer exists. But none of DJT’s proposals will actually benefit them. The price of eggs is not going to come down, given that bird flu is a real thing, and flocks are still being culled.

This unholy alliance between low information voters and oligarchs who are taking advantage of everyone to build their wealth even more… I don’t understand how people can support and vote for the very people that are making their lives harder.

I am not watching the inauguration today. It is Martin Luther King, Jr Day, we should be celebrating a man who was killed for standing up for oppressed people, not a man who wants to bring back that oppression.

1/21/25: updated Constitution image so it doesn’t show twice.

Good-bye TikTok

Thoughts on DJT “saving” tiktok

TikTok logo

Last night, TikTok went dark for those of us in the U.S.

By 10am this morning, it was back up. But Trump posted this on his Truth Social:

screenshot of a Truth Social post from DJT talking about the TT ban

Look at that carefully. Is he saying that TikTok will be half owned by the US GOVERNMENT??? Or just by a US firm? I can’t tell, but either way, with, of all people, TRUMP saving TikTok this way . . .. .. . I don’t think I can stomach it. (I mean, we wouldn’t be in this position in the first place if he hadn’t started pushing the ban in 2020!)

I have really enjoyed TT, even though I haven’t posted that much. I’ve learned a lot of things about rare medical issues, deeper anti-racism stuff, been exposed to a lot of things I never would have been exposed to in other places. It’s been a lot of fun for my short attention span. FB & Instagram reels just aren’t anywhere near as good. YouTube shorts. .. . I don’t know, even though I’m trying to follow the same people there, it’s not hitting the same. If I do change my mind and I start to make short-form videos on YouTubeShorts or TT or anywhere else, I’ll let you know.

I feel I’m better at expressing myself in writing, rather than on video, but I was starting to WANT to try to get better at video. TikTok made captioning and editing really easy for almost anyone to get started with no experience or equipment other than their phone. The algorithm is so good, it gets you stuff you want without you even knowing exactly what you want.

Have you ever been on TikTok? Have you ever posted there? What was your experience? Let me know!

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Soooo, how have you been?

Photo of Lake Tahoe from user Anwic on Pixabay
Lake Tahoe, photo from pixabay, user Anwic Anwic – Pixabay

It’s been a while since I blogged here or anywhere else. I haven’t even been maintaining my private journal. I haven’t really been able to write at all. But, since the world is going to hell again, and the TikTok ban is supposed to take effect in a few days, I thought I’d try to resurrect a place where I can get my feelings out.

Looks like my last published post was from 2019, and, well, a lot of things have happened since then. One of biggest being that I left a place I’d lived for over 20 years, where my closest friend and my daughter and her husband still live, to take a promotion and moved to Carson City, NV, about 30 mins away from South Lake Tahoe. I’ve been here about 18 months now, and it’s a very different environment from Sacramento. (Another being the death of my Mom, but I am still processing that).

I’m still getting used to things here. I’ve been a bit isolated, and this time of year, I’m a bit on the depressed side. But I’ve been trying to get past that and do some more productive things.

I originally intended this blog to be about uplifting, spiritual, witchy, personal development stuff. But with the things that are happening in the world, I’m going to need a place to rant about politics. I had another blog that was using my legal name, but I’m going to need something with a tiny bit of anonymity. Be prepared for political rants.

On the Political Compass, I usually end up firmly in the 3rd quadrant: left-leaning libertarian (that’s a small ‘l’ libertarian, not a Libertarian!) Meaning: financially we should as a society be able to take care of the poor and vulnerable without sacrificing too much in the way of personal freedom. Stay out of people’s bedrooms. Treat people with kindness and respect (Religious instruction is for your place of worship or your home, not the publicly funded schools. Black Lives Matter. Stop Asian Hate. Your identity is valid (LGBTQIA+ supported).

Ideally, I’d be downright communist,  but I have a much more practical side, putting me somewhere closer to Democratic Socialist. Registered Democrat, voted for Harris in the most recent election.

I am a disabled veteran, so watching the Hedgepeth confirmation hearing this week was……not good. I have never really liked Joni Ernst, but I am still very disappointed in her decision to support him. She knows exactly what kind of bro he is, She has dealt with them.  For her to support him is an insult to all her veteran sisters. Duckworth was amazing, as she always is.

Anyway,  I’ve never been good about being consistent here,  but I like what Heather Cox Richardson and Amy Siskand did during the last Trump administration,  with the Letters from an American and the List. I would like to try something similar (though it will never be daily), showcasing some of the impact of this crazy time we’re somehow living through.

Roller Coaster of Emotions

Wow. I knew I’d ignored my blogs for a while, but didn’t realize I haven’t had a substantive post since 2014! A lot of ups and downs in that time.

  • Summer 2015 – got a good job with grown up money and benefits for the first time in over a decade.
  • Winter 2015/2016 – an old friend needed a place to stay, and in the interest of paying the universe back for the help I received, I let him move in with me. Signed up for a Master’s degree online program. Then I got diagnosed with colon cancer. Since my daughter was grown up and moved out, having someone in the house while I was going through that really helped. Although I had to give up privacy that I crave. (Also, he’s an alcoholic, but that’s for another time). I had to put the Master’s on hold. Moved to a 2 bedroom apartment.
  • Spring and Summer 2016 – dealing with chemo, but also connecting to other women veterans through a new local group.
  • Fall 2016 – jumped into the Master’s program taking 2 classes, which really stressed me out.
  • Winter/Spring 2016/2017 – got a credential for work, was completely buried under with the Master’s. Over my head a bit. Ended up with C in one class I took, and had to redo it.
  • Fall 2017 – got a promotion at work.
  • Winter 2017 – forced Roommate to go to the V.A. for addiction counseling. There was a whole big deal with the neighbor calling police and everything.
  • Spring 2018 – took time off from the Master’s to give myself a break and reevaluate if I wanted to keep going. My daughter graduated from university.
  • Summer 2018 – got sick of the alcoholic roommate. At this point, he’d lost a couple of jobs, started a new one and now was drinking regularly again. I couldn’t take it anymore. Asked him to leave.

So, up, down, up, down, up, down.

But that’s life, right?

I’ve missed writing, but in the time since I stopped blogging, I was somewhat disconnected from my emotions and spirituality.

Also, when I was blogging before and trying to make a business out of my witchiness, I was steeped in dozens of courses and other middle-aged white women trying to do a spiritual or coaching business. There was a whole circle-jerk of us? them? advising each other to up-level and increase your email list, and get the clients who will pay hundreds of dollars for a couple hours of talking with you.

I grew to hate it. Especially after one such coaching session, where I said I wanted to make a set of affirmation cards or something like that and the coach insisted I needed to do intense coaching sessions to make money, just like she was. No. That isn’t what I want to do. Then she insisted I put more coaching sessions on a credit card I didn’t have.

I don’t want to hustle to find broken women and take money from them, often when they are at a really low point. And it began to feel like a multilevel marketing scam.

No, I liked my blog when it was just me, trying to figure life out. I’ve really wanted to get back to blogging for a while, but couldn’t find my voice. I think it’s important for me to get back to it, to center myself again.

How are you doing? What have you been up to the past 5 years? FIVE YEARS, good grief.

 

 

Changing tracks

Image

My life is going through some transitions right now.

I’m working a lot of hours at my day job. That’s a good thing because it means I have steady money coming in.

Steady income does a lot for my mental health. Not worrying about if the basic bills will get paid is a huge load off my mind. I’m not rolling in money, but I know the basics are covered – and that reduces my stress immensely.

I haven’t had any time to pay attention to the blog or to business lately. I’m even cutting back on tutoring!

Which has me thinking about what to do with the blog.

Instead of walking away from it, I want to write on a more regular basis. I think it’s a good outlet for me.

But I’m not sure how the business side will be. I don’t have time to do readings, so for now, that’s down.

I still feel that I have valuable things to say, and I want to write.

As you can see, I’ve changed the look and feel of the blog. I had been on Blogger forever but decided to move to WordPress. There’s supposed to be better customization and widgets on WordPress. We’ll see. So far, I’m not finding it as intuitive as Blogger, but I’m learning.

The theme will likely change a few more times before I settle on something.

I’m being a bit rambly now, so I’m going to end. 🙂

Let’s talk about money & business

I thought I’d give you guys and myself a little run-down on my income for this year, since it’s the first year I’ve tried to make money with this blog.

 My tutoring income is one of my lowest since I started doing it – but I did not advertise or really hustle for clients at all.

Source
Gross
Fees
Net
AdSense
$8.95
$8.95
YNAB Referral
$6.00
$6.00
Leonie Referral
$93.95
$93.95
Amazon
$11.85
$11.85
Tarot Sales
$1,210.00
-40.66
$1,169.34
Tutoring
$3,340.00
$3,340.00
Totals
$4670.75
-40.66
$4,630.09

Now, Amazon doesn’t pay until you reach $10, so I do have another $0.51 earned there that’s unpaid.
Google Adsense doesn’t pay until you reach $100. Total, since 2009, Adsense has earned $24.98 from several of my blogs.
The fees mentioned above are PayPal fees.
I have not yet added up buying office supplies, paying for my URL, or any other business expenses, but my profit is likely really small. 
I guess I thought it was important to post this because when starting out, a person may NOT get a few thousand a month right away. “Get your first 5 figure month in 3 months, starting with nothing!!!”
Yeah, no. 
It might work like that for someone that already has a huge list or can pay for advertising, or knows someone who will pimp her stuff.
But most people don’t.
I could have made more, and I know it.
When my energy ebbed in the summer, I got behind on completing readings. Then I felt guilty for not getting them done on time. 
I didn’t feel like it was a good idea to push and advertise for more sales when I wasn’t fulfilling my obligations from sales already made.
I’m hoping that this will also encourage me. If I can do better in 2014 than I did this year, then even if I don’t meet my own sometimes lofty goals, I can still track how I’m doing, and see that I’m better.
Here’s the thing, though. I don’t know if readings is really what I want to do.
I started doing them because it was something I could do, already had the stuff for and people would pay for – NOT because I’m totally passionate about doing readings. 
I LOVE doing readings, but I love doing them when I feel like doing them, not when I *have* to.
What I think would be better, for me, is to create something that could sell itself even when I’m at a low-energy point.
For me, products might be better than services, because I can’t/don’t have the energy to be consistent with services. 
Next problem: what could I write or create that would sell? 

Heading into a new year

Unprofound

It’s been more than a month since I posted about Changes.

I like the work I’m doing for the small company, but there are some things I need to keep an eye on.

Thanksgiving week I flaked and didn’t do all the work I was supposed to do. It’s not fatal to me, but it meant I had to talk to the owner about a couple of uncomfortable things.

I’ve been running hypomanic – not getting enough sleep. Unfortunately, I’ve only been partially productive.

I’ve been thinking about all the work I did earlier in the year on business and this blog.

Where do I go next?

First, I want to talk about some of that work.

I listened to and watched dozens of “telesummits”.

I downloaded workbooks.

I brainstormed.

I talked about it.

I started selling

I “invested” in a couple of small things and one big thing. I was able to arrange a payment plan for a big course. And then, two or three weeks into the course, I collapsed and didn’t finish the course, or pay for it (yet).

I joined a couple of communities for support.

I did make some money. Not nearly enough to live on, but enough to show that it was possible for me to make money.

I became overwhelmed, though, not with the actual running the business, but with all the “this is how to run your business” information flooding my inbox.

At some point, they all began to look the same. They were pushing their own products to tell me how to run/set-up my own business.

I became aware that a couple of them were not much further on the road to creating a business than I was. And that’s fine, really, because part of what one needs when seeking help is to see that someone else has done it or is doing it.

But they were all sounding alike.

And one of my favorites. . .

She released a new course.

I quickly realized that it was very similar to her old course, and it still included some stuff lifted directly from another source (she did give credit to that source).

All of these sources started out wanting to help people. And somehow they always ended up convincing each other to help people build businesses.

It got overwhelming and repetitive at the same time.

And I kept getting stuck at defining my purpose and my ideal client.

I don’t know.

I don’t have an “ideal client”.

I want to help people, and I think straddling the lines of logic, spirituality, and mental illness, my experience is unique.

I also watched several people start out with reasonable offerings and watch their prices double, triple or more in a short period of time.

Now, I know why. Once you get popular, your time becomes more valuable. If you’re doing one-on-one coaching or readings or anything else that takes your time, you need to charge enough that you don’t become overwhelmed, taking too much of your time away from family and so on. And one deserves to be compensated for their time. I get that.

But the advice became uniform: give summits/classes. Sell packages. It doesn’t matter if you’ve even actually created the content yet. Sell it first!

I don’t like that. I just don’t.

I get that you don’t want to spend a lot of time creating something no one will buy, but you really want to sell something you haven’t created yet?

So, no, I’ll never do that, and if that’s what it takes to be successful. . .  then fuck it, I won’t be successful.

I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to turn this little blog into a full-time job.

And I don’t care.

I like writing the blog. I like giving readings. I want to write a book.

If other people enjoy that, then great, maybe I’ll make a little money here and there.

If not, well, ok then.

Now that I have income coming in from another source, I’m not totally stressed, and can do what I want with this.

So, I’m still here. I’m still struggling balancing my life with the bipolar. I’m still giving readings. I’m still writing, though less than I was.

Part of why this comes up is that Leonie Dawson’s Amazing Life and Biz workbooks and calendars are out. If you’re interested in buying them, I’m an affiliate so buy through that link. 🙂

This may be the last year I buy it – I think I may make my own for next year.

Blogging Challenge

I joined The Ultimate Blogging Challenge on June 30.

I was supposed to post every day in July, but because of all the heatwave stuff happening, I didn’t post the first three days.

To make up for it, I need to post extra a few days. I’ve also promised a guest post to someone this month, so I really better get writing. 🙂

Yesterday, I was asking for direction from my readers. One of the things I said was that there’s already a lot of other information on Tarot and Oracle card reading out there, and I was having problems seeing what I could add to the cacophony.

Picture from Pixabay

Today, I see this quote:

“Use what talents you possess; the woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best” – Henry Van Dyke

Well, doesn’t that put me in my place.

And the funny thing is, I know this. I’ve advised people on this, frequently.

I know I can’t sing. I sing along to songs I like anyway.

I’m sure I’m not the best dancer, but when I feel like dancing, I do it.

I’m encouraging a friend to write regularly, even though he thinks he’s not as good as authors he reads.

It’s not about being the best in the world. It’s about doing something you want to do – pursuing something you feel the need to do, whether or not you get recognition from the world.

And maybe your (my) unique voice can reach someone, help someone.

What do you like to do? What holds you back from doing it?

Patterns: Withdrawing

Whenever I start something, I have a pattern of going full throttle for a short period of  time and then dropping it.

Last week I was so excited about a lot of things. I had a lot of plans for what I was going to do. I wrote outlines and lists with time tables and due dates. I was excited about the upcoming stuff for Invincible Summer. I started several things.

And then, I stopped.

I didn’t blog, I only wrote a small bit in my journal. I stopped doing affirmations for a few days. I didn’t visit the Wild Sisterhood. I didn’t read ZenHabits. I put off working on everything.

I also stopped talking, responding to emails, getting out of the house. I started napping during the day, instead of writing and planning.

I caught myself withdrawing from almost everything (except, curiously, talking with M. Hmmm).

It’s ok to take a break from things at times.

But my personal pattern includes stretching that break out for days, weeks, months. . .

Luckily, I have a small mastermind group, and one of the ladies nudged me with, “When are we meeting again?”

So, I set up a meeting. I had ideas, but had not fleshed anything out yet, still not entirely sure what direction I was going to go in.

By the end of the teleconference call, I not only had an idea, but several questions to put in the product. By the end of the day, I’d hand-written an introduction and sketched out an outline, listed questions I want to use.

I felt great again.

And the next day, I stopped again.

WTF?

This is like last year, when I only had a couple of small things to do to finish my teaching credential, and I kept putting it off, saying, “Oh, I can just do this tomorrow.”

And then I let it go too long and have to repeat something I should not have needed to repeat.

I’m starting to do this now with what I’m trying to do this here.

I have things working well for me.

I just have to keep showing up and not let this break I took last for months.

I suppose my path will never be a straight line.

And that’s ok.

So, today, I’m pulling out the notebooks, and the planner, and listen to today’s SSBR call at noon. And I’m writing. It’s not my best post ever, but I’m doing something, which is good.